Since being a parent my sleep has been awful.
It’s always the way, either I’m asleep and one of the kids wakes me or someone needs something so I wake, usually unable to go back to sleep, laying with one ear open in case they need anything else. Or everyone is asleep by 11pm and I’m still laying in bed at 4.30am either graphically revisiting every bad life decision I’ve ever made or attempting to memorise a mental to do list for the next day, week, month or for the rest of my life.
Currently I’m on night 3 and I still can’t memorise any mental list. I’m absolutely shattered and becoming increasingly frustrated with my tired brain which seems to have forgotten how to work it’s off switch. It’s always felt unfair that no matter how bad I sleep there’s always that expectation to get up in the morning and carry on as before, regardless of how tired I may be! It’s a responsibility to always be on call 24/7 and on nights like this it really sucks.
Everyone’s asleep; they have been for hours. I hear a small whimper from Dylan’s room and his mattress creak as he rolls over then, as clear as a bell he calls out, “Mum”
My heart skips a beat as I jump up to check if he’s okay. I pop my head round his door and he sleeping soundly like a baby slapping his lips mid dream.
I sneak back to bed elated. He’s fine, he’s just dreaming but he spoke! Properly spoke. Clearer than I’ve ever heard. And he called me, in his unconcious state he wanted me or thought of me. I wish I had recorded it. I would love to hear it again. My hearts still racing as i recall it. It was the best thing I’ve ever heard. Hearing him talk like that was a total chance event and if I was asleep I would have missed it.
If there’s a chance I could hear that one more time I’ld happily agree to never sleep again.
Sweet dreams little man. I’m here, always listening x